I don't know why, sometimes I wonder, and wonder why people commit suicide, just being hypocritical, because I tried, I tried to kill myself and even when everybody knew nobody knew. I feel, weird, like a problem was buried deep in the ground with all the other problems that my family has, but I knew, deep in my heart that that look my gave me everyday since then was a look wondering why I tried, why I didn't told her, and my brother moving around me all the days like something was wrong, but none of them were accepting the fact that I almost died, that they almost lost me. 

It was saturday, or friday, I don't remember well, but I'm going still to write what I remember because I need to connect the dots, to see who I was and who I'm ashamed to accept I was, so, my friend, who treated me like shit, but I also don't remember that was writing me harash messages, as I did, she will always left me alone, she will always go with her shitty boyfriend and left me alone, in the madhouse, in the city I was living alone, with my 5 pannic attacks per day and the food on the sink pouring from my mouth, she will always come an eat, and sleep in my bed and see my tv, and use my computer and tell me how her boyfriend was a shit and then leave me alone, feeling used, because when I was suffering she was not there, never, nor in my graduation, not even in my birthday she left that guy, and since I had the lowest self esteem you can know about I would let her shit on me just for a bit of her attention, of the love she was not giving me, of the love that I coudn't reach from the boys I liked, the liking of the only face that I knew in that cold city.

It was saturday and I was decided, I gone to my mother's room and took all the medicines I found, then procedeed to my room, took my pills and took one or more, that is the part I don't remember, in the background there was Blackbird and my crying as a wicked noise, my tears filling my legs, the medicines going throught my throath, then I don't remeber anything, I remember the night, I told my friend " Don't worry, I'll be gone by tonight" and even whe she told my mom, she didn't made anything, and  i am here, I don't know why I am alive, I probably vomited in that period of time I don't remember, I don't know, I'm glad I'm alive.